I for one have had tons of trouble keeping a stable relationship. Mostly because the people I’ve dated were crazier than crazy glue (that stuff is off the hook!). I made all the wrong moves, seek the wrong people, and of course crashed pretty hard afterwards.
People always gave me relationship advise. Not because I suck at them but because the people I chose to be with I went above and beyond my reach and limitations just for them. I literally jumped for them every time.
Don’t make the same mistakes as I did in the past! Here’s 10 things I learned and to keep in mind.
Giving people their space is a big part. Now I’m used to living with the significant other so its a whole new playing field for me to have someone I am dating living away from me. I am, by nature, a very needy person. I crave attention from the other person. Its really hard to get that by someone who likes to be alone (nothing wrong with that its just who she is).
It does work in our favor though. The longer we go without constantly talking to each other or seeing each other the more we want to be with each other. I would love nothing more than to have every day with her but at the same time it takes that special spark away.
We limit our time to seeing each other to once a week (outside of work). We hardly text, but that’s also because we work with each other. She threatens to throat punch me sometimes when I tease her too much so space is a must if you work with them.
Its going to suck to give the space that is needed but it will be very rewarding in the end.
2. Small things matter the most
People always want to do something super-duper-ultra special for the one they care about. Its natural to want to do that. The problem with that is they always go with the $$$ route instead of taking the time to learn about someone’s likes and interests. Take the time to get to know someone before going out and buying something that will cause more problems than solutions.
Here’s an example. My first date I figured out that my girl really likes Ring Pops (cherry flavor to be exact). So a few weeks later I got her a party pack of them for her to enjoy because she had a long day at work. Cost me less than $10.00 and it showed her that I really cared and listened to her.
Rule of thumb is if it seems simple its going to be a big deal. You don’t have to break the bank in order to make that special someone happy.
3. Slow is smooth and smooth is fast
Its a military saying but it works for relationships as well. Things look sloppy if we rush things and we tend to fumble a heck of a lot more if we do.
I, for one, am a stranger for taking things slow (which is why until now all relationships have failed). I always believed in fate with finding “the one” and that things happen instantly. Maybe if I was in a movie or sitcom then yes… But unfortunately I live in the real world and never realized it.
Now on my first date I had my first kiss with my girl. It wasn’t exactly a romantic setting (parking lot at a Mexican restaurant in her car) but it was memorable. That’s all that really matters. I remember the night was pretty chilly, the sky was clear with stars, and that her and I just stopped talking. After the long walk we had around a lake and finally having a moment to stare into each others eyes we just knew it had to happen.
Of course me being me I took a dive-bomb in the next date. Thank the lord that she was nice enough to sit down with me and explain that she felt uncomfortable with the speed that I was going at and that she felt rushed. She understood that its still a learning curve for me. We both agreed that if we are made for each other that there is no rush to get everything done at once.
Just remember slow is smooth and smooth is fast. You’ll eventually make it there 🙂
4. Never make them explain who they are
Don’t make that mistake like I have. Accept “the one” for who they are because its everything about them that makes them stand out to you and no one else.
I told this to her and I’ll tell you guys. I really love everything about my girl. The way she walks, the weird things she likes, the mistakes shes made, the successes shes had. Everything about her is what I love because its what made her who she is today.
Don’t ever make the other person feel like they are a criminal and interrogate them about their past or why they are the way they are. Embrace their flaws and perfections because that person cannot and should not change just for you.
5. Jealousy is not love
This is something that a lot of newer couples deal with. Jealousy is not showing that you care for the other person. I hear it all the time “Awe he’s just jealous”.
Listen… Jealousy is actually fear. You feel fear when you see them talking to the opposite sex. It could just be a natural feeling but for me I pounded it out of my head… By reading a book about it (I know…). If this is really a “I care about you” feeling then it shouldn’t be as negative and destructive than people say it is.
Now, I have no fears about losing my girl. At the end of the day I know, and she knows, who we are thinking about. Its not that we don’t care (she said she would kill me if she saw me flirting with other women) but we have that level of trust. I trust her to know that she is with me just like she trusts me to know that I am with her.
So what if someone else makes her laugh. There are lots of funny people in the world. Who cares if someone did something nice for them. There are lots of nice people in the world. Just remember that YOU matter the most to them and unless you gave them a reason you got nothing to worry about.
6. Flirting is cheating
To be honest… This one was and still is a hard one for me. I am friendly by nature (like all of us should be!) but people mistake that as being flirty. Now saying “good morning” with a smile is not flirting. Some people are just off the walls about that so lets hash that one out while we can.
Real flirting is all about the body language. Its gestures that suggest that you want something more than just a simple conversation. Don’t be stupid and use better judgement of the situation. I wont go into depth with this one but seriously treat flirting with someone as equivalent as cheating on someone.
Another thing is keep an eye out on people being flirty with you. Especially, like in my case, if your love ones work with you. My girl doesn’t appreciate women batting their eyes at me and being all playful and cute like. Make sure you get a grasp on that too (not that way…)
Someone being flirty with you can be just as bad as you doing the same to them. Just don’t do it!
7. Don’t make everything just about yourself
Don’t get me wrong on this one. Its good to release the steam every once and a while, but don’t do it all the time.
If you’re having a bad day at work or it’s just bad in general don’t take it out on the other person. For me no matter how crappy my day can get, either work or what have you, I am always relieved to see my girl. Don’t go on a what-feels-like-forever rant too. That can get annoying real quick for both people involved.
You should just be with someone who can calm you without saying a word. Someone who can stare right into you, know everything that is going on, and have that look where they understand. There are so many days where just a simple hug can fix all of my problems.
Once the dust starts to settle ask them about their day and talk about things that you know makes both of you happy.
8. Get a hobby
You need to occupy your time. Both of you should be able to live separate lives while building something great together. My favorite thing to do is to work out. I love lifting weights, running, and anything else physically challenging. She loves cooking, playing with her pups, and video games (winning!).
Doing these things makes you more interesting. I found it totally awesome that she went to the Destiny midnight release (what girl does that?!). And she thought it was awesome that I play the cello.
You can also have hobbies together too. Whether its building little bird houses, laser tag, what ever it may be. You don’t have to go all the way and throw a bunch of money into it.
Just don’t suggest a lady to go workout or go running with you… Trust me…
Don’t over think things. Once you start to worry that’s when things go down hill. One very important rule is don’t ever ask someone if they’re “okay” over and over again. If nothing really is wrong it gets them thinking about if something is really wrong and bothers them.
And if you are in the beginning stages of a relationship don’t ever ask about the status of the relationship. Don’t say “so are we official or what”. Once the time is right both of you should be able to discuss where you guys are.
Don’t try to push it onto someone else. No reason to push what you want to people who aren’t ready to accept it yet. Just take it easy and enjoy the ride.
10. Date nights
Plan a nice night out. It doesn’t have to be worth a lot of money. If you have $20 in your pocket go for a nice long walk in the park or on a nature trail. Then go see a movie or grab something quick to eat.
Don’t over do or over use date night. These should be used every so often. If you keep going out then its just going to feel like going out. Make it feel like you put a lot of thought in to it.
Okay now that’s done I’ll end it with this.
Keeping a great and healthy relationship takes time and a whole lot of effort. Every one knows its easy to be alone because you don’t have to do anything to be that way. Its hard to keep someone around.
Things don’t happen as fast as we want it to but for a good reason. If you feel like you have “the one” in your pocket then you will have many many years ahead. Don’t press the fast forward button. Just let it play out.
Hope this helps out and wish everyone a long and happy time with their loved ones.
Any more great tips feel free to contact me 🙂