You Can Have It All

Everyday I wake up, I look around my apartment, and I wonder when I’ll be off in my own house and start the life I’ve always wanted. I go to my fridge with the broken handle, cook on the gas stove that works half the time, and wiggle my door with the key so that it’ll lock. Then I’m off to work.

I live in an old Victorian house that was turned into apartments. It’s not the prettiest but it’s my place for now. Things fall apart, water leaks in, and the floor boards are coming loose. The paint is coming off on the outside and the roof has plants growing on it.

It’s a night and day comparison when I think about how my life was 6 years ago.

My parents owned their own business back in the day. Their income, separately, was about $200,000 a year. Money was never an issue with us.

Everything I ever wanted was at my finger tips.

I had it all. Lego’s, gaming cards, video games. My sister and I got a trampoline with no questions asked. I even had my own play room in the basement for all of my stuff.

My parents always bought a brand new car every chance they had. We were the ones on the street with the big black SUV’s and new cars. I guess you could say that my parents lived the American Dream.

When I was back on the block with my lady she was a bit shocked. She knew where I was living today and only heard about my old life. We pulled up to the street and there were just massive houses with top of the line vehicles in driveways. Every ones grass was as perfect as perfect could get. Sprinkler systems going off and spraying over beautiful gardens that people have planted.

Maybe she wondered why I’m so thankful for what I have now. But who knows.

Living that life is what everyone wanted. Everyone chases the rich life style and having unlimited wealth. Funny thing was I was more than happy to give it to someone else. I wanted none of that.

I was always the black sheep in the family. My parents were so judgemental about everything. They hated my friends from lower social classes. They didn’t want me “socializing” with them because they believed they were a bad influence.

There were days when I had to lie about where I was going and who I was with. I never invited my friends over unless my parents were at work. And my friends were always in shock and awe when they did come over. Always saying how “lucky” I was or simliar things like that.

In all honesty, I was friends with them because I was jealous. I wanted everything that they didn’t know they had. They were always happy. Some lived in old homes and others in trailers.

You see the rich man stress and the poor man smile. What makes them so damn happy?

I wanted what they had and they wanted what I had. Funny how life works that way.

But I’m in a weird spot about it. One part of me wished I had a simple life and the other is glad I had that lifestyle. Not because I got whatever I wanted but because I know what it was like. I knew that the rich lifestyle wasn’t for me. It’s not a goal for me to chase.

I saw how my parents were with each other. Always fighting about money. Always fighting about status. Always fighting in general. There was no value other than on a dollar bill.

My focus in life is just finding the right one for me. It’s as simple as that. I want someone to share smiles with instead of money.

My success has only one value to it. Happiness. I want to be happy with who ever I am with. Whether it’s in a mansion or a trailer. As long as I’m with who I want to be with to share the great moments in life together I know that we will be successful in our own way.

I have dated people in the past who offered me to move in with them. One girl I dated her father was a CEO of a company and she offered me to live in her 3 story home with her. I turned it down. I knew that if I took that ticket I would start to lose sight in what I stand for. We don’t talk anymore.

I could of had a good life. But I want a great life. I want a life with someone who’s only goal is the same as mine.

I’m not sure if my girl today completely understands where I’m coming from. I guess seeing someone who’s happy that they lost almost everything might be a red flag that they’re crazy (but the voice in my head says she’s the crazy one. The ghost at my house agrees).

Going from a bedroom that looked over the woods and a koi pond to a bedroom on a 1st floor apartment in the downtown area. Waking up to the morning sun hitting the stairway chandelier to having it shine through the broken blinds. Having a garage full of brand new cars to a driveway with an old beat down Jetta. I couldn’t be happier.

There are no worries for me. All I have to do is live the way I have always wanted to live. I want to live for someone else so that they can live for me. I want to live my life the way I’ve always wanted.

Money doesn’t impress me and never has. I felt like I would always lose to money because I didn’t know if I could ever find someone who shared the same views as I did. I think I finally found her (too early to tell).

My mom is now marrying some hot-shot multimillionaire from Korea who wants me to call him “dad” (oh boy…). He offered to buy me a house, a car, and help run one of his businesses. Even to him I said “no thanks”.

I told him that new shiny toys don’t impress me and never has. I just asked him to be there for my mother and if he can make her happy then I’ll be happy. He really appreciated my honesty and never offered me anything like that again (though I think a new car is still in play).

So I guess the point I’m going to make is this. What is really worth more to you?

I hope coming from someone who’s lived on both sides you can get a better perspective about it.

Everyone wants the lavish lifestyle of the rich and famous. I guess if that’s for you then keep chasing your dream.

But never forget what means the most to you in life as to what you just want in life.