I’ve finally been able to sleep peacefully. I don’t wake up at random times in the middle of the night or suddenly wake up.
The only downside to this is that I forgot how annoying my alarm is on my phone in the morning. Makes me kind of miss waking up on my own minutes before the alarm goes off.
Reflecting on how this week has went I got to say that I have no doubt that this is the best week so far (besides the week I first met my lady).
I was finally able to pick myself. Nothing has really been dictating anything how I do anything. I want to say I finally got a hold of how life should be lived.
The thoughts and feelings about my girl are still very much alive in me, but it doesn’t control everything. I’ve been able to handle these emotions a lot better than I have before. No more losing sleep over her, no more worrying about her, and especially no more doubts about anything about us.
I realized she isn’t going anywhere anytime soon. And I know I’m not either. There is no rush to make anything official or set anything in stone. If I truly believe she is the true source of happiness I wouldn’t want to take the whole thing in one hit.
Thanks to her I’ve finally been able to just relax a little bit more. I’m starting to see everything in a whole new set of eyes. I’ve been able to have some time to myself and think over a lot of things.
I was always worried about the future. What’s going to happen. Who will I be with. Where I will be.
But during all that time of thinking I remembered something.
Looking back this past year I’ve met some people who have been able to guide me through life and make me realize something.
It’s not all about how much you want, but more of what you already got.
One person that really inspired me is actually my apartment maintenance guy, Homer.
I met him a few months ago when he was fixing my windows in my bedroom. He’s the rock’n’roll generation guy. Sporting the bandanna with a jean jacket. Always starts a conversation with saying “duuuuuude”.
This guy made me realize what is really important. It’s not all the things you want. It’s not all the money in the world. It’s not even where you want to see yourself in the next few years. It’s all about what you got in life and loving every moment of it.
See, Homer, unfortunately, doesn’t have a lot of time left in life. He’s got stage 4 cancer. He’s been through literally everything in life. The year before he had a brain tumor removed at the hospital I work for. After many years of treatment he finally said enough.
It’s kind of sad and funny that the people who give the best life advice are the ones who don’t have much on their contract left. I’m just glad I was able to meet him before his time would come to an end.
His advice and words of wisdom were simple yet strong and eye opening. And of course I’ll share it with you guys.
I was just sitting on my computer kind of minding my own business. Surfing YouTube and my Facebook news feed when he came into my apartment.
He came right up to me extending his hand and said “Wassup man I’m Homer. Your apartment fixer-upper dude.”
So we had some small talk here and there while he was inspecting the place. He looks at my Marine Corps graduation photo and says “dude you’re a Marine? Right on brother!”
And the conversation took off. We started to talk about life in general. Talked about past relationships we’ve had, funny break ups, jobs we’ve had, how America is becoming lazy. It was great.
I told him the story of how I almost died at boot camp from pneumonia. I told him that I worked at the hospital down town. I told him that I just started seeing this girl that I work with. We just connected really well.
His response was “yeah I got that crap today. Pneumonia is not fun. Of course when you got cancer nothing in life is exactly easy, is it? I thought it would be no big deal since I’ve had a tumor before. Actually I got that gnarly tumor removed from my brain at the hospital you work for. Guess my body liked the cancer so much it spread to another organ of mine.”
Then he just laughed.
I was almost thrown back from that. He was actually able to laugh it off and I had no idea why.
Of course I asked why he was still even working. Why he just gave up on his treatments to stay alive. Why he was just able to still laugh and smile knowing that he has very little time left.
I didn’t want to offend him, but I was so lost in my own life that the answer just happened to be a guy fixing a window.
Almost instantly he answered all of my questions. I was amazed with what he said.
He told me that he had nothing to worry about. He said some people live good lives, but he lived a great life. He has someone he loves, has beautiful children, and a job that he loves. He said that so many people in the world always go crazy about what they want in life but forget what they already have. He would love nothing more than to live another couple years, but he loves everything he has now. He got sick and tired of the treatments he’s been getting. It made him too sick to even enjoy the last moments in life he has. He said he didn’t want to die trying to fight something he wasn’t going to win, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t giving up on life either.
Homer said that he wanted to finish his life strong. He wants to be remembered as the guy who no matter what life threw at him he was always chipper about something. He wants to be remembered as a hard worker. Not someone who was sick in bed puking his brains out.
His advice to me that day was to stop worrying about the future. Sometimes the future plans get cut short. He told me that he hopes that I find someone who’s not just good for me, but the best I could ever have. To have a job that I love regardless of how much it pays.
He’s just a simple man from the countryside who happened to walk into my life at the right moment.
So now that I’ve had the time to think about his words (months later unfortunately) I realized that I do have someone that is the best for me. That I do have a job that I love regardless of how much I think I should be getting paid. That I don’t need to push the fast forward button in life because I wouldn’t be able to enjoy the simple moments in the present.
It’s amazing that there are people out there who have it much worse than we do, but some how manage to smile and pass on their life onto others.
When I last talked to him he had a little than less than a month to live. Last I heard, he’s still around.
So if there is anything to take away from this its this:
Stop worrying about the future. Eventually everything you want will come to you. Just enjoy what you already have for now. Be grateful and thankful for all the small things because eventually it’ll all come to an end. Have no regrets in life. Realize that your life is your own to live and it cannot be compared to anyone else’s.
Sometimes living day by day isn’t a bad thing.
It just means we can take the time to enjoy each day a little more than the last.