Okay, okay… I have to put this out because this has been stuck in my mind for a couple of days.
The other day my sweetheart told me that I am “everyone’s dream” type of guy. She said that my fan base of followers seem to be mostly women which I can see since I write a lot about my feelings, emotions, and love.
But what she seems to think about me doesn’t make any sense in my brain at all (probably because of the absence of a brain).
She put it this way…
“Let me tell you… You are thoughtful, sweet, caring, open-minded and open-hearted, understanding, communicate well, and you go out of your way to make a girl feel loved and wanted. You love animals more than you love people who is almost impossible since you love people so much. You are willing to learn and will chance if necessary. You also have a fantastic body.”
Or something close along those lines (yes, the last line was actually said).
Yes, all those things, I guess, are true. I never sit down and realize what I do because it’s just my character. I don’t sit down and analyze what I’m doing because I do things without even thinking. I always hate to admit it, but I do lead a lot of things in life with my heart. What ever feels right I just do without even putting an ounce of thought into it.
Only problem is that when she wakes up after being with the “man of her dreams” she will eventually realize she was in a nightmare. Everyone has realized that and I feel like its only a matter of time until she will see that.
It’s not that I’m not confident in our relationship. I am more than confident about us. I’m just worried that I will eventually let her down and she will just get hurt again.
As much as a “perfect” guy people see me as, there are so many things that I know will make a woman not feel attracted to me anymore.
I am needy, I’m the “yes” man, I get moody, I tend to not think at all, I don’t consider people’s feelings when trying to talk to them, I am indecisive, I don’t challenge people, I can be a bit of a flirt without knowing or realizing it, I can get jealous easily, I don’t trust people easily, I get paranoid, I get blinded by love, I can get really defensive, and I can also be really submissive.
With all of that out in the open, would people still see me as the “dream”? Or does that just make me more human than ever?
I can identify all of my problems, I just need to fix them. I guess my problem is that I don’t know how (add that to the list).
But my lady is not the girl of my dreams because she is my reality. I finally found my perfect girl and no longer have to chase a dream. Every day I am awake and realize that I have the best possible woman in the world. She is no longer a dream to me because she actually exists in my life now.
Without her, would I of ever discovered my writing abilities? Would I be back into gaming? Would I even consider playing the cello again? Would I of taken the time to actually sit and think about what I like or enjoy to do with myself?
Who really knows…
All I can really do now is appreciate her every day we have together.
And also to continue to work on my “fantastic” body of mine 🙂