Last night was one of the best nights I’ve had in a very long time.
Of course it was spent with my sweetheart.
She came over around 7 PM. I made her dinner, just a simple dish nothing too complicated. I’m making a promise to her that once a week I make her dinner to improve my cooking skills. If we are going to live together I want to be able to make her something nice as much as I can.
As I was cooking in the kitchen I heard her come in the back door. My dog greeted her like she hasn’t seen her in forever. I don’t even remember if I said hello before I kissed her. God it felt like forever ago I got a kiss from her. As soon as I got done making dinner I set up the table for us to eat. It had been almost exactly a week since we last saw each other. She mentioned that it felt like an eternity not seeing me for that long. I felt the same way of course.
We started to eat. I insisted that it wasn’t the greatest thing I’ve made, but she convinced me that it was delicious. She’s either really good at lying to make me feel better or I am an Iron Chef of some sort. She then asked if I wanted to go to Walmart with her to pick up a few things she needed. I thought it would be a fun opportunity to do simple things together. Something outside of holding hands and sitting next to each other.
I don’t know what we were talking about on the way there. I think I was describing about some Marines in my unit who are just down right disgusting and vile when it comes to women. Marines though… what would you expect?
So we were talking and walking around Walmart when the Christmas spirit missed me and smacked my lady right in the face. I knew that she wasn’t happy with her current place. She wanted to make it feel like a little bit more of a home she would want to go to. She was all about wanting to get the place neatly decorated just for herself.
I can’t even begin to go into detail on how excited she was running around each isle looking for more stuff to decorate her place with. She had so many great idea’s and things she wanted to do to make her apartment feel more like home. I think she may have thought I was bored or something since I didn’t really too much of hunting for stuff, but honestly I was just enjoying seeing her getting excited about something.
Other than me, it seems like rarely she ever gets excited or happy about anything. The both of us have been feeling stuck or put on pause with certain things in life lately. I’ve secluded myself away form society to just play my video games and didn’t want to think about anything. I didn’t want to think about bills, getting a house, or really much of anything at all. I mean I thought about my sweetheart, like always, but for once in my life I wasn’t entirely happy about it.
Here’s why. This past week it has literally been the worst week for my family. Mom is always late on bills and my sister is… not thinking straight about her life decisions. I wondered why there was so much secrecy in my family. Why no one ever tells me anything until its already too late. I started to fear myself. I thought “well my family is so messed up. What if my life is going down that same path? Or what if I am a messed up guy living in a messed up world? What will she think of me?”
I got worried, scared, and really nervous about everything. I still don’t understand why my girl thinks I’m sort of super human being who is a one of a kind guy. In reality I’m just a guy who is doing things that every guys should of done for her but never did. Nothing too special about it (in my opinion).
What else is there that I get all excited about? I don’t look at Christmas decorations and get all happy about it. I don’t look for things to decorate my apartment with. I thought looking for houses would make me happy, but really its just stressful trying to get things planned out. I don’t get all giddy about buying a new video game. The only thing that makes me happy is my girl. That’s it.
I mean even things that are related to her make. I get all excited going out and buying stuff for dinner or getting her flowers because I always want to impress her. I know I got nothing to prove, but I still like to do special things for her. I don’t ever want to lose the feeling I have for her. I want to show her that even though time is passing by that doesn’t mean my feelings for her are dying down. Not even a little.
So we get back to my place and she asked me if I wanted to swing by her place and help her clean while she decorates her apartment. You know… it wouldn’t even matter if she asked me to clean toilets with her all day. Anything that would keep us together would make me the happiest guy so of course I said yes.
We were cleaning and decorating for probably about a good hour or two. Is it bad to say that I never really remember what we talk about because all I do is just stare at her? I mean it’s like in the movies when the star finds the love of his life and everything around him starts to blur and the sounds start to muffle out a bit. Pretty much that happens every time I look at her. It’s not my fault that I don’t listen or remember things half the time. She’s just too beautiful to focus in on everything at once. I don’t blame her for that. Not one bit.
Finally once we were all done we sat down in the living on the couch. She then had that big goofy smile, that I love so much, when she gets excited and satisfied about something. The was then giggling to herself. I don’t know what emotion I had but I was literally in awe. Seeing her happy like that comes far and few when it comes to her place. Actually, I don’t think she’s ever been happy about her place. Seeing her face like that is what Disney would describe as “Magical”.
She then handed me her Xbox controller and said to play a video game. I don’t know what was exactly going through my mind but if I didn’t know what a keeper looked like then I sure as hell do now. I played one round of Destiny and she watched me dominate (even though my team lost overall).
I noticed her yawning a bit. The clock said it was 1 AM, but it felt like the night had just begun. She wouldn’t admit it, but she looked a bit bored (or tired) so I suggested that we lay down in her bed before I leave for the night. She had her head on my chest and I had my arm around her. Her pup was snuggled right in between us. I guess he still had to show that his mamma belonged to him and not me. He is a cute one so I didn’t mind. We laid together for about 20 mins. I was drifting in and out so finally I decided it was time to go home. I say that it was my decision because it sounds better than her saying she didn’t want me to fall asleep at the wheel driving home so she was “kicking” me out with a smile.
I finally got home at about 2 AM. I tried laying in bed and sleeping. I don’t know what came over me but I kept spring up out of bed. I was cuddling with dog. I kept wishing it was my girl… I just missed her way too damn much. I don’t see her for days and I only see her for a few hours. Almost didn’t seem fair but hey… it is what it is. Being an adult sucks.
7 months is all I have to wait for her to be able to move in with me. I kept planning in my head of what the days would go like. I’m sure it would be I wake up a few hours before her, kiss her good morning before I leave for work, come home, make her food, give a back rub, then go to bed. I just keep counting down the days.
I really need to get back on my book though. I’ve been taking time off from here and writing because I have had so much crap going on these past couple of days that all I want to do is sit on my couch and do nothing. Maybe this week I’ll find at least an ounce of motivation and get back on it.
We shall see.