The title is pretty much exactly what has been going on the past couple of days. Just nothing but stress. If it’s not from my job its from another potential job opportunity that might go “ker-plunk” on me. If it’s not from that it’s probably from my living situation. If it’s not from that it’s my finance situation.
There has not been one single instance this week where I haven’t felt like I was about to lose my mind. Little by little certain things start to slip apart. It’s like a dang mudslide rolling slowly through everything that gives me hope and taking it down. It’s so easy to just break apart what you’ve built up for years.
So I’ll start from the beginning…
My job hasn’t exactly been giving me the “happy and butterflies” feeling. I’ve been more on edge than ever and going home more upset and angry. I’m pretty good at letting go of those feelings when my girlfriend comes over, but I know she can’t be there 24/7. So I just started to work out my feelings (as in lifting weights). I just can’t stop thinking about how much I dislike where I work. It’s never the actual job itself that keeps me angry. It’s how the place is run. It’s run to give the perception of the higher ups that everyone is happy and excited to work for such a large organization. Of course, if they pick at the individuals in the bunch, they will find out that we are all just waiting on our next big move.
So I took my firefighter exam earlier this week for the city I live in. I applied just a few weeks ago and was moved to the written portion of the employment. I was really excited for the new opportunity. But when I walked into the testing area for the job there were about three hundred potential applicants to which seventy percent were already a part of a fire department. So that was just the afternoon testing group so who knows how many were in the morning group.
What made me even more nervous was that they’re only hiring for fifteen. So, give or take, eight hundred people fighting for fifteen spots. That doesn’t make me feel too confident. So after the test I just went home and took a nap. My brain was in so much overload of just how many people were there, what was on the test, and how long it took to complete it I was about to rip someones head off just from the amount of anxiety and stress I had.
And I am still waiting to hear back from my other job opportunity I had applied for. My friend has her interview today which is making me a bit nervous, but she did submit her application a month before I did. Now I’m just wondering if I’m just a month behind her due to the times they look at the applications. Who knows but she’s telling me it’ll be fine so I’ll take her word for it. It also helps that her dad retired from the place we’re both trying to work at so there is some pull there, but not a lot for me. I’m guessing his daughter takes priority or something.
Then finally to top off the cake of crap that’s been baking… my landlord decides to call and say that she is potentially selling the building to investors and told me that I may have to move in the near future. Like I have had the time to save up for a place to rent. This is just perfect. So after finally making it the place I love living in they come in and are potentially going to take it away. Hopefully I can figure out what the rental status will be and see if I can afford to continue staying there, but my landlord said to not hold my breath on that one.
With everything going on I’m just ready to sit down and not think about anything for a long time. Oh wait… I can’t… I’m always at work and when I’m not at work I’m doing something for a potential job or if not any of those I’ll be at my military drill doing stuff for them. I just need another weekend getaway. Hopefully I can drag my girlfriend to my “escape the problems of the world for at least one day” trip. I’m thinking next month spring time to enjoy a nice warm feeling walk and just not talk at all. That’s going to be hard for me to do. Apparently I have the annoying ability to make a conversation for just about anything. I don’t think it’s bad, I just don’t like silence is all.
But that is what I need more than ever. A nice long quiet walk with someone to just mentally escape.
Soon… real soon I’ll be doing that.