So today was just another day.
Well… Not really. It was my birthday. A day where people are suppose to have a bunch of family and friends and go out and celebrate the day you entered this world. Me personally I haven’t spent a “real” birthday in a very long time.
Last year I spent it by myself with almost everyone forgetting to wish me a happy birthday. The year before I had lunch with a friend. The year before that I went out to the bar (my 21st was actually pretty cool to be honest). Year before that I spent it with my mom and we had dinner together. Before that I spent it at boot camp. And when I finally turned 18 I bought a whole carton of cigarettes with some friends and we just chilled.
It just seems like the older I get the less exciting a birthday seems. I mean it’s just a day at this point. A reminder that I survived another year in this stress filled world. I mean the past couple of years I have been search g and finding the meaning to my existence here. What is my true purpose? What am I destined to do? And once I finally reach it will it be everything I dreamed of?
So today the one question was on my mind. I have worked so much for everything just for one ultimate goal. I wasn’t going to let anyone get in the way of what I believed I was destined to do. But what was that one question I had in my mind?
“What will I do once I get there?”
Anyone and everyone who knows me knows that I will do whatever it takes to get what I want. I have proved it so many times that I will always find a way to reach my goal. But after everything is said and done what is there left to do?
Now to put aside the obvious it’s to “progress and get promoted in my job field to earn more money and respect during my time in the field I will be working in”. That’s the obvious mark. But will my drive still be the same? Will I constantly fight for something better as I go on in life?
We have such a finite time to figure out what we want, how to get it, what to do once we get it, and how we can move on from there. I don’t want to keep digging myself a huge hole in hopes of trying to find something worth while.
My greatest fear is not achieving my life goals before I die. I always fear that there is so little time in life to do anything and I’m always racing against the inevitable.
Well I guess happy birthday to me. I’ll be spending it always worrying about something. It’s a perpetual thing that seems to never go away. I feel like until I achieve my ultimate life goal I wi always feel incomplete.
Wish me luck. I’ll have a lot of time to spend thinking about this at my fire station tomorrow.
Have a great weekend everyone!