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Feel The Pain

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So I have been hitting the gym more and more often since I parted ways with my friend. Every day my arms get that nice little stretching pain you get after a great workout. I look in the mirror and I get happier and more satisfied each time. Everything is starting to look more cut. Everything is starting to get more pumped. I’ve even lost about twelve pounds this month. I think now that I am more focused on me I can finally get what I want. I want a better body. I want to be better at my job. I want better things to put around my house. I’ve been doing more online shopping. Doing more runs. Doing more of everything that makes me happy. It’s been a lot of self work lately. I just look around my place and realize what needs to be done. I feel like this isn’t even a home anymore because nothing is mine. Almost everything I own is from someone else. The computer desk I found, the couch …

Insomia

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Last time I laid in a bed and had something more than 1 hour of sleep was probably Saturday. It was after a nap probably at about 4 in the afternoon. Every time I thought I had a moment to sleep my heart races. I can always feel it pounding. It’s weird to think that it can do that. Almost no water, food, or sleep. And yet I can hear my heart pounding right up to my ear. I am wide awake. I have had moments where in the Marine Corps I have stayed up over 24 hours and I felt exhausted. Even if it was just being on post doing nothing. I have felt so exhausted. There were times where I woke up at 8am and went to work at 6pm and start a full 12 hour shift. And I always feel like I just cant keep going. I’ve been up almost 36 hours. I have worked out, went for a run, and even tried to listen to people reading a book on YouTube. …

Night Owl

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Working the night shift is really throwing my days off. I can’t remember what day it is or what time it really is when I wake up. I look at my phone and usually I wake up around three in the afternoon. That’s my new seven in the morning… But so far the new job has been great. Everyone has been willing to help me out during the difficult times of learning new stuff. A lot of computer work, patrols, and just random videos we find on YouTube and laugh at. It’s probably one of the best jobs I’ve had so far. Wearing the badge and being called a “Deputy” is really something I’ve been working for. But lately I haven’t really been able to keep calm. Well… On the outside I have been. But when I leave work it gets harder and harder to be able to get sociable again. I am brand new at a job in a brand new city. There isn’t one person that I have really talked to from the …

Step One of a New Life

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I am working throughout the weekend and through the night to just get everything all packed up. Moving is not my favorite thing to do. I do enjoy the excitement of the idea of finding a new place to move to. Looking tirelessly on the internet for a nice looking apartment. I spent hours looking for a nice place to move to. The thing about living in the city I live in now is that it was never hard to know what was a good place and what was a bad place. I’ve lived at my current city for a bout five years now. You start to get the idea of the town and know what place is the good side of town and what side you should probably just keep your doors locked and run through red lights…  But moving about fifty – sixty miles east is not exactly where I know. I had a Marine Corps Ball event in the city I’m moving to a few years ago (back when I was in …