All posts filed under: Relationships

Online Wonder

Published by

So… I know that I wasn’t really suppose to “jump” into things but… Who would I be if I didn’t. Yes I have changed for the greater good. My workouts are going great, my job is taking off very well, and I am finally piecing some things around my townhouse with furniture ideas and other decorative things. But when I was working at the Sheriff Department one of the deputies wouldn’t stop asking why I was still single. He kept going on about how it’s a “big deal” that someone in uniform doesn’t have at least a lady friend to see. I just kept telling him I don’t have the time. He found that very hard to believe since I’m one of the youngest deputies in the whole department so he figured I have more time than I say I do. He suggested, as a joke, that I make at least an online dating profile. I laughed at the idea and said “I don’t have that little of free time. I can at least find someone once …

Best Way to Say Goodbye

Published by

Wednesday was a weird day. I asked my friend to meet up again for just one last time. The only thing I could give her was the truth. There was no more forgiveness, pleading, or begging. None of that would lead us to what actually needed to happen. So we sat down at one of our favorite bars we used to go to all the time. It was fun at first. I showed her my taser video from my department. We laughed about it and I showed her all my marks and burns from where I got hit. Told her about some guy elbowing me in the face and getting a nasty cut on my lip. She was more concerned as to why the guy was still walking. It was also still a little puffed up. It didn’t hurt that bad. So the past few days I’ve been through a lot of emotional and physical pain. I’ve literally been beat down to the ground from everything. Amazingly I was still able to get up and …

Insomia

Published by

Last time I laid in a bed and had something more than 1 hour of sleep was probably Saturday. It was after a nap probably at about 4 in the afternoon. Every time I thought I had a moment to sleep my heart races. I can always feel it pounding. It’s weird to think that it can do that. Almost no water, food, or sleep. And yet I can hear my heart pounding right up to my ear. I am wide awake. I have had moments where in the Marine Corps I have stayed up over 24 hours and I felt exhausted. Even if it was just being on post doing nothing. I have felt so exhausted. There were times where I woke up at 8am and went to work at 6pm and start a full 12 hour shift. And I always feel like I just cant keep going. I’ve been up almost 36 hours. I have worked out, went for a run, and even tried to listen to people reading a book on YouTube. …

Why…

Published by

I thought I started everything fresh. I thought I could find some sense of direction of what was the difference between right and wrong when it comes to someone special. The sad part is I really thought I did. The past week I was able to reconnect with someone who I lost because of my secrets I kept from her. I don’t know if anyone recalls but about a couple weeks ago I made a post about how I had been able to reconnect with a very special someone. The promise was “don’t come back unless you have a plan“. A plan… I had a plan. I made a plan. I wanted to do whatever it takes to stick to that plan. The plan was no more secrets. No more hiding. No more deception. It was all out there. Even if she found something that I forgot about it was there. No fear. No regrets. Only explanation and understanding. During our break I was angry and upset. Not with her but with myself. I couldn’t bare …