All posts tagged: Seeking help

Withdrawals

Last night I could barely keep my eyes closed. It seemed like every hour on the hour I was up and checking my phone. I don’t know why. I kept thinking about her last night. This hasn’t happened in months. I used to be able to sleep soundly at night. Just dream about her and wake up somewhat satisfied because it was only a dream and not really her. At least it was about her… So why now? Why at this very moment am I so jolted with energy with that immense feeling of missing someone? I have never been as close to someone before her. She has literally changed everything on how I feel about the people I love. I’m not complaining. I guess I just want more. I want more every second. Is this what real love feels like? Yeah, sure, I take life an hour at a time, but it feels like whenever that hour resets the feeling never goes away. What can I do to overcome this again? I have too …

The Toughest Days Are Always Yesterday

Well, it’s a new day. Woke up at 4am on a couch that I may never see again in a place that will be all too soon just be a memory. I slowly got up from the couch, grabbed a cup from a box, got some water, and off to start my day. I just kept remembering the conversation I had with my mother. Hearing her cry over the phone after telling her that there was nothing I could do to save any of her expensive furniture was a bit overwhelming for me, but obviously it had to be done. I called her after being so flustered not being able to get a truck or a storage place for her. I sat at the dining room table, with all of the boxes sitting around me, and just stared at my phone. What was I going to say to her? Was I going to tell her that I tried and failed? Was I going to tell her all of her things will be in a dumpster …

Can’t Get a Grip

So I’m here at my moms place all alone. Still packing everything in boxes and waiting for my sister to come and help. Today I talked to a good friend. I pretty much spilled everything that was going wrong my life. My friend suggested that seeing a therapist wasn’t a terrible idea. My friend said I seem have a lot of issues going on and that he suggested that talking to someone and getting an honest professional point of view wasn’t a bad idea. I hated and loved going to see someone like that. I hated it because I felt like I relied on someone else to help me solve my issues. I loved it because I did solve a lot of problem. I hated it because of the cost. I loved it because it was money well spent. I don’t know where the lines in life are drawn. I tend to edge them in with chalk and watch it wash away slowly as time goes by. I don’t know if I need something more …

The Session

Although therapy┬ásessions are considered “confidential” or “private” I see this blog here as my therapeutic release when I have a great feeling inside of what I want to talk about. So I may mention some things that have been brought up and said in the professional help world in this. I have so many weird things about me. So many problems and issues float around in my life. I close up. I can’t easily talk about my feelings. I need distractions. I need space. I need people. I need materials. I like to keep very little. All of the things that I do don’t make sense but they do. I was never a quiet person. I always had, and have, something to talk about. The problem was the things I talked about were never about my feelings. The first real depression hit me when I was in high school. My parents marriage started to fall apart, my sister got into a very serious car accident, and my dad had his stroke around this time. My …