All posts tagged: Understanding

Insomia

Last time I laid in a bed and had something more than 1 hour of sleep was probably Saturday. It was after a nap probably at about 4 in the afternoon. Every time I thought I had a moment to sleep my heart races. I can always feel it pounding. It’s weird to think that it can do that. Almost no water, food, or sleep. And yet I can hear my heart pounding right up to my ear. I am wide awake. I have had moments where in the Marine Corps I have stayed up over 24 hours and I felt exhausted. Even if it was just being on post doing nothing. I have felt so exhausted. There were times where I woke up at 8am and went to work at 6pm and start a full 12 hour shift. And I always feel like I just cant keep going. I’ve been up almost 36 hours. I have worked out, went for a run, and even tried to listen to people reading a book on YouTube. …

The Session

Although therapy┬ásessions are considered “confidential” or “private” I see this blog here as my therapeutic release when I have a great feeling inside of what I want to talk about. So I may mention some things that have been brought up and said in the professional help world in this. I have so many weird things about me. So many problems and issues float around in my life. I close up. I can’t easily talk about my feelings. I need distractions. I need space. I need people. I need materials. I like to keep very little. All of the things that I do don’t make sense but they do. I was never a quiet person. I always had, and have, something to talk about. The problem was the things I talked about were never about my feelings. The first real depression hit me when I was in high school. My parents marriage started to fall apart, my sister got into a very serious car accident, and my dad had his stroke around this time. My …