Can’t Describe It

I’m back from the most amazing trip I’ve taken in a very long time. Quite possibly the best trip ever.

I took a trip to my sweetheart’s home town. The big tall buildings of the big city we both live in now slowly turned to wooded area’s with lots and lots of farms. Sporty cars and big office buildings soon turned to pick up trucks and hunting stores.

I was, at first, a little timid about the area. An Asian in the country was not a great mix (not generalizing or stereotyping but… There weren’t a lot of Asians there).

Soon we took a lot of turns on the country roads and we eventually ended up at her mothers house. It was located in a very secluded wooded neighborhood surrounded by lots and lots of trees.

Meeting my girls mother went well. She was the most down-to-earth, fun, and awesome person.

I basically was sweating it for nothing. I really didn’t have anything to worry about.

First thing I got was a hug right in the door. I felt a little stupid trying to go for a handshake but she just said “oh come here I’m a hugger”.

I think she felt like I lived up to everything that my sweetheart said I was. Hopefully in the future she will realize she has nothing to worry about, but for another time I’ll go into that.

So after we dropped off our bags and got me all feeling warm and fuzzy about being at her moms we set out to go to town.

Being from the town I was from I was used to having something to talk about every, oh, five seconds or less. When my girl and I were at my hometown I was pointing at things left and right all day.

But where she’s from we would talk and talk for a long time and then she would go “This is where one of my friends used to live” then a few more miles down the road (more like 5 miles) she would point out another house she used to visit. I was literally out in the country side of the state.

I never thought I would like the country side. I was always a city guy. Always living in the suburbs or the downtown area. Lights, sirens, and angry honking drivers were a common thing to me. It’s starting to wear off me though.

The more and more we drove around the more I started to like it. There were less stops at intersections, the scenery was perfect, and everything was just so much more peaceful.

We finally got to the actual town to check out a few places. It was all on a strip and “mom and pa” type stores lined the streets.

I laughed when we stepped out of the car and my girl said “Now don’t be offended if people stare. Where I’m from, not a lot of… Asians are from here”.

I loved every minute of it. It was even better that I was with the one person who mattered most to me. I could see her light up and excited about showing me around. I could see it in her eyes. She was at home. She really misses it.

She was carting me all around town pointing out friends houses, favorite stores, and where her ex’s lived with funny stories about it.

We laughed, shared deep thoughts, and poked each other in the car like kids as she drove on. The tour lasted hours.

In all honesty, I wish it lasted days. Being with her is always so… Therapeutic.

She’s not just someone who I want to be with.

That trip we spent together made me realize so much more about her. It opened my eyes to who she really is. Maybe I couldn’t see the whole version of her since she is a small town girl placed in a big city with lots of things going on. Seeing her there showed the real side of her. Hanging out with her friends made me see a whole new side of her and especially of how I see us.

She’s not just someone who I want to call my “girlfriend”. She’s not just someone who I want to cuddle with, to hold, to kiss, to hold hands with. Not someone who I just want to lay with alone for what I wish could be forever.

She’s my best friend. She’s my counselor. She’s someone who I can just hang out with and spill my guts. Our conversations about our lives, how we grew up, what we went through, what we experienced, past mistakes, relationships. All of it was just amazing. I told her things that no one else in the world knows except for me and maybe Melon.

Being out there I felt so comfortable with her. She’s someone I can never get jealous with because I never get jealous of my best friends. She’s someone I can spill my guts out to and vent to. She’s someone who with just a simple car ride together can be the best quality time. Just a simple drive. No cuddling or kissing or laying down together.

She’s a million other things that are in between what ever “official” title we will ever call each other. She kept joking about wanting me to move up to the country side and kept saying how much she missed it. Not sure if it really was a joking matter since she said she really wants to move back. And it really brightened up her face when I said I would want to move up there too.

Honestly, I am really considering it. Not really into serious thought about asking her to move with me since there is still so much to do and learn together before we get there (if we get there), but serious about wanting to move away from the big city.

Things are just so much simpler there. The drive around the place is just peaceful. The people there treat you like a long lost friend. Open arms and open minded. Total different thought going into it.

I’m just glad that her friends approve of me. I know I got nothing to prove to anyone, but at the same time I don’t want anyone to think that I’m the wrong type of guy. I can’t just outright say that I wont hurt her, talk down to her, treat her like absolute crap and think that I am godly compared to her.

I just hope that down the road, both her friends and mine, they can see that we were just incomplete puzzles. Some pieces were just destroyed by sorrow, anguish, fear and anger. That maybe we aren’t perfect people, but together we are. I know that whatever brings me down she can bring me up and same goes for her.

She is always worried that she will end up pushing me away. I have no clue what she is talking about cause I feel like she’s got a freaking tow rope tied to me and I’m just pulling myself closer and closer to her. Every inch that I can gets me closer to what I want most. The more she talks about everything wrong about her the more I want to say she’s wrong about whatever she says about herself. Unless she finally admits that she is the most amazing, beautiful, and awesome girl. Then I’ll finally say she’s right.

I told her I’m really good at having my feet planted right where I want to be. She can push all she wants but she’ll just get tired of pushing soon enough (hopefully real soon cause she is a very strong girl). But I know I wont budge. Not even a little.

But now my search for a new home is on. The country side has won my heart. But I don’t want to move too far from my job.

Out of all the things that I want there was one thing that I want most in the world and it happened today. Waking up the most beautiful girl with gentle kisses and a little tickle of her bare skin. Waiting for her to acknowledge my touch. Then just gazing into those big beautiful blue eyes and saying “good morning beautiful. It’s time to wake up” and seeing her crack a small, but big, smile while she rubs her eyes. Then giving me a quick kiss back and saying “good morning gorgeous”.

That’s better than any alarm clock in the world.

I only got one day of that, but I’m really hoping I’ll get a billion more.