To start off with…
Friday she said she loves me! I feel like I can walk on water, turn it into wine, and drink the living hell out of it!
I’ve been a bit busy with things going on at work. I have had the most terrible week anyone could ever have. Monday I got stripped of everything that I worked for. I had a meeting with a few of my Lieutenants. They discussed about certain nasty rumors that they decided to take it as the truth over my word. They said as soon as I start to act like an adult and start to care about my job they won’t see it fit to promote me into anything better.
So I guess I am a childish liar who does nothing but flirts with people and don’t actually do my job. It’s sad that the ones who do their job, put so much effort into it, and doesn’t brag or gloat about how good of a job they do are the ones who get hit the hardest.
But as the week went on everything started to get better and better. I think my sweetheart finally saying she loves me was the icing on the cake.
She asked me what I felt when she finally said it to me. I stumbled a bit on my words and I’m sure with how I express my feelings I didn’t exactly say how I really felt since there were no words in my vocabulary that could possibly describe how I really felt.
I told her that it felt like I was always trying to find that one puzzle piece that fit. When she said it to me it was like I finally found it and it was just a huge relief.
Terrible, right? But I couldn’t really translate my feelings into words. I felt like I could of said something so much more meaningful but my heart was beating so hard and my brain was being pumped of so many feelings its like my voice box shrank because the only thing that I could really think at the time was “I hope we last forever”.
I’m sure whatever I said meant a lot to her, but I’m always going to beat myself over the head with what I said. I know that I meant a heck of a lot more than what I told her. But I think that since I couldn’t form the words to say it, why not show her?
Sometimes words are just words. Sure I can say she is my missing puzzle piece and tell her how she brings up the sun and the moon and warms me up, but honestly in the end words are just words.
I aim to do exactly what I’ve been doing since day one of dating her. Showing her how much she means to me. Not just by holding, kissing, or cuddling with her. I mean the down right simple things that I know that means the world to her. And I do it without even trying.
I feel like if people really have to try to show how much they love someone its something that is forced. I do things out of spontaneous impulses that make me so overly energetic that I give myself headaches just out of pure excitement (I don’t think I’m medically unhealthy for that).
When I promised her I would make her dinner every week it wasn’t like I had to go out of my way to do it. It was honestly just a spark of a thought and it made me smile. It made me feel great about myself.
I think that’s what true love is. It’s not the whole theory of self sacrifice and making them happy. It’s what makes yourself feel even happier is what really counts. I don’t do anything for my girl unless it makes me happy. So far I haven’t found one thing that I am deterred by. Heck, I even came to her apartment late at night to help her clean the whole thing. It wasn’t like “Oh she will think its so nice” because it was simply “I get to spend more time with her”.
She could ask me to clean a public restroom with her all day and I wouldn’t mind. The fact that doing anything with her is what makes me happy. Finally I have someone in my life that I can be absolutely happy with without even forcing a smile.
I am a hopeful and wishful person. And I hope that we spend the rest of our lives together and I wish it could last even longer than that.