I Can’t Think Straight

Yesterday was the same as always, except one major major major part was different.

My sweetheart doesn’t work at the same hospital building as me anymore… Heart breaking, but it gets me to focus more on my job and same goes for her. I missed seeing her walking through the ER. Now everything just seems to be grey and dull without her presence there. I’m sure as time passes I will get over it. There are still a bunch of people I love to see there, but nothing, and I mean NOTHING, will ever replace her.

But I showed up for work, put on all of my gear, refused to take any pain meds because it got me all loopy and I slurred my words and working as an officer that is just a no-go.

The day started slow. Report of lost property, trespassing homeless people, and what not.

One thing that really irritated me though. I walked up to this black guy in the main lobby. Now I have dealt with him before. He is a regular homeless individual. He was passed out drunk in a chair and he… Pissed him self. I walked up to him, knowing I trespassed him before, and approached him.

I woke him up.

“Excuse me, sir… Hey… Wake up.”

He looked up at me and had the “Oh crap” look. He knew who I was. I ran the general question of ‘why are you here, when did you get here, do you have a ride home, etc.’

Off to the corner I saw what appeared to be a flashlight. Another black guy was filming the whole incident.

Now being filmed is a normal thing for me. Everyone wants evidence for a law suit, Youtube hits, or whatever makes them seem cooler on their Facebook. Honestly, being on camera doesn’t change a thing of how I act.

We ended up taking the homeless guy back to the ER since he was drunk out of his mind and just passed out before even reaching there.

Once my fellow officers escorted the guy back to the ER I approached Mr. Cameraman.

I asked him “Hey, what are you filming for? It’s not a huge issue with me, but just out of curiosity.”

“Oh well, I just wanted to see how you guys would react to a black man. Cops in my neighborhood always harass us so I wanted evidence to back up what I always say.”

Really?!

So I politely told him “Okay, well just so you’re informed for next time it is a federal offense to film patients under the HIPAA privacy act. I just don’t want you to get in trouble. Do you know the guy we were talking to?”

“Nope. Have a good day.”

He shut off his camera and looked disappointed. I’m sure he was just waiting for another Ferguson moment and will probably delete the footage.

It just bugged me is all.

The shift was almost over at this point. We were all wrapping up with what we were doing. Near the end of the shift a very large man was busting out of the ER. A nurse was following close saying that he was threatening to kill himself.

Now due to that the hospital legally cannot discharge people for making those comments. I followed close with two other officers backing me up. He was about 6’2″ and 300lbs (Why does this always happen to me..)

I tried making the soft approached by doing the whole “Hey buddy! Whats going on today?”

He was having none of it. I then attempted to grab him to stop his advances towards his car. He swung around and tried to push me off. I called for my partner to back me up, but she just stood there. The other officer just stepped in front of him trying to talk to him but once he pushed passed him he just gave up.

So there I was trying to stop a large 300 pound man by myself even though two other officers were there. I guess they were too scared to confront the guy which made me feel completely pissed off about the whole thing.

He eventually made it to his car and started it. At this point my buddy arrived with the police cruiser and chased him down in the parking lot. He stepped out of his vehicle and ordered him to turn the car off and step out. The guy’s response was to charge at him with the car. Luckily he missed and just hit a pillar.

Another cruiser pulled up and we boxed him in. Every one jumped the vehicle and I was seconds away from busting the guys windows out.

But thankfully he opened the door and we pulled him out and cuffed him on the spot.

We had an after action debrief on the whole situation with the Lieutenants. I confronted the two officers and said this to them.

“I swear, next time you put me in a situation where I can’t rely on you I will make sure you will not have a job at the end of the day. There is no excuse. When I call for back up you back me up.”

At the end of the day I have one goal. To go home, be with my sweetheart, and take care of Melon. Everyday I am in a tough situation where a fight or struggle is about to happen I fight as hard as I can. I can’t imagine not being able to go home in one piece. I think about my girl, my mother, and everyone else.

And if anyone tries to get in the way of me being able to see my sweetheart again they will have a fight coming their way. She is worth every moment I get with her and nothing will stop that.

But I’m getting a bit heated about the whole situation so I’ll stop.

I’m at the same coffee shop where I write my book. I’m starting chapter 5 and constantly get writers block. I just keep thinking about my sweetheart. I don’t know why but whenever she comes to mind I always just freeze up and can’t think straight.

Christmas is coming around the corner and I want to have a day with her. I don’t even think I would need to get a present for her. She knows I have very strong feelings for her and all I want for Christmas is her (now I got that damn song stuck in my head…).

I’m also house hunting. I hate my apartment that I’m living in and I want to find a place where her and I can live peacefully with no worries. I know I deserve it, but more importantly I know she deserves it.

I won’t go into detail but she has had it real bad the past couple of years. My promise to her and myself is to be the best I can every day to her. I know I don’t have to shower her in gifts and buy her stuff. All I want to do is have the opportunity to show her how much she means to me and how much I care.

She does that to me every time we are together. I feel like I am never good enough, but that’s not a bad thing either. No matter what I know I can always be better every chance I get with her. I never want to think I am the best for her because she deserves a better day than yesterday with me. So every day I will always improve. I want to always climb higher and higher for her because I want to show the effort I put in to show her I care. All I can do is hope that she sees that.

If I can maintain that thought with her and my feeling for her are always stronger… Boy oh boy I can’t even start with how awesome life would be. I mean, its already pretty freaking sweet but still. Every day knowing that I have her and that she has me puts a smile on my face.

But any who… On with the book. Chapter 5 is on its way and I have the next 3 days off. I’ll be busy with my typing skills and hopefully in the next few months I can send it to an editor and see what they think.

Wish me luck!