Wow… I just realized it has been a long time since I last made a post. I think I feel like everything is starting to either come together finally or that I have just felt really lazy the past couple of days. I’m pretty sure it’s the lazy part.
My Marine Drill weekend was last weekend. It was the same as usual. Wondering when I will get out of the Marines, running around looking important, and hearing the conversation from other Marines about what girls they’ve been with the past few weeks we have had off.
Sunday night I went to my girl’s apartment after my drill. I told her about all the things that they talked about. Her jaw almost dropped to the floor about all of the things I told her. My only response was “Eh, Marines. Why do you think I feel like I don’t fit in too well with them?”
Monday I had to take a day off of work. I got a phone call from my sister Sunday night. I won’t go into detail about what the phone call was about, but one thing for sure is that her “boyfriend” or who ever he is to her is a real piece of… work…
Here is one thing that really makes me mad. People who treat women (or their counterparts in general) like complete crap. Why?! Whats the point? What is the real point in making anyone hurt physically and emotionally when you’re with someone for years?
My Lieutenant came up to me Tuesday when I got back to work. I guess he was concerned about me since my Facebook post the day before was “Last day of my drill.. Don’t want to go to work tomorrow. Need a few days off.”
Obviously I was kidding when I wrote that because that was before my sister called me. It was more of like “I hate doing stuff and I want to be lazy” but it still threw up some red flags.
I admitted to him that I wasn’t “sick” and that I really just needed the day off. I told him what had happened and he told me “Well, you know that your sister will go back to him and he will do that again. Just let me know what’s going on and I’ll be there for you if you need anything. Keep your head up. Things always get better.”
I tried explaining to my sister that she needed to get out of the relationship, but at the same time who am I to really say anything? I was also a victim of an abusive relationship. I can’t even recap how many nights I spent either at another friends house because I was locked out since she was “mad” at me (reality she had a guy over and didn’t want me to come in), kept getting water thrown in my face while being called names, or her hitting me as hard as she could and tried to egg me on to call the police on her.
That was my living nightmare for years. One night she bought pepper spray and tried to use it on me. I know, I know… I’ve dated some pretty crazy people. What did I do to deserve this? I wasn’t even sure, but she was so good at convincing me that I was such a bad person that I ended up being the one saying “sorry” to her.
People like that just feel so crappy about their own lives that they make others feel even worse about theirs. That’s all it is. I know I have my flaws. I don’t keep up with cleaning all the time, I can be lazy, inconsiderate (not on purpose), oblivious to girls flirting with me, sometimes I don’t do things on time, and I’m forgetful. Even though these things are really common among every person in a relationship I felt like I was the only one and owed my Ex Monster an apology for all of my infractions and mistakes.
Not once did I ever fight back. Not once did I ever get angry with her. Not once did I ever threaten her.
See, my mother raised me. She raised me to be a man, not a controlling freak who puts his foot down on everything. She told me that relationships are a team effort. You win together, you fail together. It’s better to fall with someone than watch them suffer knowing you didn’t even try. But the last relationship I had wasn’t even a team at all. It was a crazy lady who hated herself so much that she brought everyone down with her. For me I felt like I was trying to swim to the surface with a car tied to my legs. I was going down anyway with her no matter how hard I tried to bring it back up.
So finally I manned up. I stood up to her and said “we are finished. I’m moving to my moms for a few months because I want you to have the time to get your things together and move out.” Somehow after all of the chaos I still had the compassion and kindness for her to live at (what was now my place) the apartment we both got together after the break up.
I felt sorry for her. Honestly, I still feel sorry for her to this day. I feel sorry that she is so insane that she doesn’t even realize it. Why is it that people who seem so intelligent on paper end up being the baddest, craziest, most hated people in the world?
From the outside looking in she seemed perfect. Tall, fair skinned, long hair, top of her masters degree class in a program that is statistically the toughest in the nation, with a voice and look that stands out. That was the bait and I stupidly took it. If only I had known the chaos, torment, and depression that was behind the whole mask I would of ran away so fast that my shoes would of been burning rubber on the pavement.
So I told my girl about what was going on with my sister and how I felt like I was helpless. I told her I felt bad because I knew exactly how it goes. You think it’ll be better, you both say you’re sorry, and you’re right back to square one. Second chances don’t exist in my book anymore. It’s just another way to let them hurt you again. It’s terrible and should never happen (almost 5 years since I talked to my dad. Sorry, but never again).
I made a promise to my sweetheart. That I will never raise a finger to her, that everything can be worked out, I will never lie, cheat, steal, or anything in between those lines. I know what it feels like to be the victim and it doesn’t really sit well with me.
She even knows how it’s like. I won’t go into further detail with that one either, but let’s just say it’s nice to finally have someone that understands the situation and has been their themselves.
We both have been victims and we both got out of it. Now that we have each other, for me at least, I’m never looking back. All I do every waking moment of my life is get excited for what is coming for us in the future.
My favorite topic that people always ask about is how her and I met. It’s a long story and I won’t say it on here (yet) but I know that meeting her was literally life changing. Every time I see her it literally feels like the first time all over again. The anxiety, nervousness, excitement, wonder and lust. All of those feelings never died and never will.
I thought I was damaged goods after my last Ex Monster. I thought there was no way I could not be paranoid about anything and that I couldn’t trust anyone ever again. Since meeting my girl I have no fears like that at all. I have no idea what she did to extinguish all those fires, but damn is she good at it.
I don’t ever look at what happened in the past because it doesn’t matter anymore. I look forward to the next time I get to see my sweetheart and shower her with love. Why? Because she deserves every moment of it.
Every person that she had been with that left her, I feel sorry for. I truly do. I feel sorry because they never took the time to get to know her like I do. Doesn’t even matter on how long they were together for. To me, she is the type of girl you never hurt and never leave. The amount of amazing and incredible things she has to offer is definitely something to keep coming back to. All I can say is their loss, I’ll take every ounce of it.
She says the same thing about me, but until I find something that I have in me that’s better than what she’s got, I call her out on her BS.
Now then, I finally got off the couch from playing my video games to actually do some work on my book. I’m about done with chapter 6 and moving on to another one. About 89 pages through with 25,000 some words. I don’t know where the end is, but I finally found a publisher! Hopefully her and I can work some things out. The editor will be my dearest sweetheart because of 3 main reasons.
1. She’s a Grammar Nazi
2. She’s super smart
And finally, 3. I trust her to edit the living hell out of it
Hopefully the online Christmas shopping will be done soon. I got a few things ordered for my lady even though she told me not to (oops). Not going to say what it is yet, but I do know after showing almost all of my close friends what it is I got 2 responses from it. “You would” and “She will love it”.
Any who… Back to it!
Above and Below Average 